New Year's has always signified a time of introspection for me. I like to use the opportunity to look behind, and then ahead. This year I could hardly wait for 2016 to come to a close. One of the hardest years of my life to date, it will go down in my personal history as a very challenging year that I hope, with time, will also be seen as an important year that brought a lot of growth. A time for lessons learned, and very intentional changes made.
I don't usually share so personally, on this blog or, I suppose, in general. I like(d) to keep up a happy-facing persona with everything portraying the positive. My motto has always been to find the good in everything. Yet, I'm learning that although that mindset is helpful, it doesn't really allow for the full spectrum of feeling, connecting, and learning. This year especially, I've had to learn how to sit with sorrow.
I learned to lean into pain, and dig around deep to discover the root cause so I could truly begin to heal. My ego would have me run the other way in a flat out sprint. I had to retrain myself. I had to look at the hard things and be really honest with myself. To acknowledge that I lost myself for a minute (or more accurately many months). It's not easy to see yourself as a person you don't want to be or ever thought you could be. I’m still shocked by how unconsciously I moved through life for awhile there, and how off course I got.
This past year, I separated from my long time partner and lost my best friend, my home, a number of friendships, my community, part of my identity, and any clarity I had about my career path. I lost my way and I lost myself. I guess you could call it a total reboot. And I as hard as it is to admit, I know I needed it. I needed it to gain the growth and knowing you get only with change and perspective. I’m grateful that I can see the lessons I had to learn (and am still learning) and am finally at a place to accept this monumental assignment of healing an old (and controlling) hurt so I can get back to really being me. I'm grateful to be awake and actively choosing how I want to create my life. Choosing love, deep and meaningful connections, purposeful work, living in the present moment, and growing and learning along the way.
Though it's bittersweet, 2016 has been a huge wake up call for me. I'm looking at all areas of my life, and reclaiming the driver's seat and the course I'm on. And so guys, moving into 2017, I’m tapping out of my personal blogging and social media scene.
I’m so grateful for the opportunities blogging has afforded me and for the time I’ve shared with you here. I just need a break. I need to start living out loud in the world around me, and staying present to the moment I’m in. And the people I’m with. I’m on a journey to rediscover myself. To come back clearer, stronger, powerful and real. And, hopefully, positioned to provide more value to the world. It’s tricky navigating this new world we live in- the on and offline aspects of it. I can’t say I will be offline forever. I may be back- and sooner than I would have thought. I don’t know. All I know right now is I need to take a break and make some space to reconnect with myself. Maybe you can relate? Or maybe you've found the great balance of online engagement and authentic living, and I'll look to you for inspiration.
If any of what I am sharing about consciously connecting to yourself, your path, and others is resonating, I'd like to recommend some resources I've found helpful:
- The Lively Show (podcast) by Jess Lively
- The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul by Danielle LaPorte
- Getting Real: 10 Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life by Susan Campbell
- Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
- Meditation (any kind that feels good to you is the right kind, 20- 30 minutes a day)
- Journaling (I especially like the Morning Pages exercise from The Artist's Way)
- Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant (The cover is awful. The book is good.)
As we move forward into a new year, I sincerely thank you for the time you've spent with me here on Fashion Me Green, and through my social media channels. I wish you all the very best and hope you are following your own gut (or heart) to lead you where you need to be too. Here's to 2017- onwards and upwards!