Ice Queen

Do you ever feel you have to be the strong one for everyone else? That it's your job to keep it together so you can be the pillar others lean on? I think I've felt that way my whole life. Maybe it's the caregiver in me or just my optimistic nature to always look towards the good in every situation. And I don't think it's wrong per se, but sometimes it gets in the way of allowing all that needs to be felt and expressed from coming out. Like an ice queen keeping it on lock down.

Recently I've been going through something challenging and I felt a shift in myself. I wasn't able to keep seeing the bright side. I got sucked into the 'reality of what is' and it had me gripped tight. Then I found myself in a discontented place of fear and negativity. And I was upset about that. And that made me feel ever worse. Until one night, as I was drifting to sleep I had an epiphany...

I wasn't far from myself at all. I was just going through the motions of life that reveal to us more of who we are and what we want. I was expanding. The minute I had the thought, I felt relief. I felt the judgement I had placed on myself for not being stronger or more positive lift off of me and I truly felt elated. Sometimes it is so easy to make feeling bad or uncertain or sad wrong, but I think without them we might be bored and stagnant. They move us forward by revealing the complexity of who we are and showing us more of what we want (sometimes by showing us what we don't want). It felt like a movie director pulling back to see the full scene, and I could appreciate the role of those hard feelings. So now, I remain committed to my default way of being (positive and uplifted) and hold space for the other emotions that show up too. No need to freeze them out. They're part of the bigger picture.


Eco Outfit Details

CINDY CASCADE GOWN Nha Khan via Rent the Runway #sharedfashion


I'm sure you've heard me talk about renting fashion before, and I can't get enough of this genius concept! For this shoot, I knew I wanted to create something more artistic and a gown in the snow felt like the perfect thing. I do have a couple of gowns in storage (one of them is my high school prom dress!), but I wanted something to fit my vision and with my Rent the Runway Unlimited subscription a plethora of gowns and designers were at my fingertips! The best part is this gown will be warn many times- not just once or twice by moi if I had bought it. Shared fashion is one of my favorite ways to participate in sustainable fashion, and it is oh so stylish. 



Many thanks to Cole Buckhart for yet another awesome shoot!